It’s not easy to give your heart away and have it constantly broken by the same things you’ve sworn you wouldn’t let happen to you ever again. But we dive back into the same situations only to come out wondering why we ever let it happen in the first place. I believe the irony is that we jump right back into it because we’re blinded in the moment of love. And we never learn. We never learn from previous heartbreaks, we just start to realise that when one door closes, we can expect another to open.
I believe we grow wiser, not by dating many people, but by understanding the circumstances of each relationship. Not every breakup is the same, but every breakup has one thing in common: lack of willingness, whether it be a breakup with a lover or a friend. That’s it isn’t it, when things get tough we get this adrenaline rush, we either ‘fight’ or we ‘flight.’ But that’s the problem, people like you and me, we always want to fight. We want to stay right where we are, even if it’s driving us mad, but we just want to stay. We can’t accept that things aren’t the way they were before so we fight, we fight with ourselves, or we fight with our lovers. We fight till we break one another. And more importantly, ourselves.
We’re not perfect, to be honest we are far from perfect; we overreact, we overanalyse, we overthink, we over everything. Literally. But we do it out of love. The thing is we care a heck of a lot, we care about everyone but ourselves. That’s where the real issue lies. We’ve got no sense of pride, yet we grant it to people; we’ve got no sense of respect, yet we crave respect from people; we’ve got no love for ourselves, yet we beg for it from people. And then we wonder why we aren’t happy, or why we can’t separate love from life. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a bad thing, this just shows all the reasons why we need someone who really understands this part of us: the very flawed, very dark, very sad side.
Not everyone is cut out for this and not everyone has the patience to mould us into beings that can see all the beautiful things people truly do see in us. We love. We love too much. Even if we don’t love, we want to love. We want to love because we see all the goodness and we only make excuses to protect that image of the person we love. We blame ourselves till we rip ourselves apart to make sure their image stays intact. We’re selfless, but don’t get me mistaken, we’re selfless for whom we want to be selfless for. We choose who we want to suffer for and we often choose wrong. And thats okay, because the day will finally come where we don’t love for who we think they are, but we love for who we know they are. That is when we’ll have real issues breaking us apart instead of ones that feel so petty. And one should fear the day a heart like that will stop loving them. Because when the day comes when we truly see someone for who they really are, they’ll just be a speck of dust within the galaxy. And we’ll feel absolutely nothing for them.